Thursday, July 8, 2010

Day #13 - Love Fights Fair- Eric & Jennifer

We decided to blog this one together since our Dare was to be done together. We enjoyed this dare because it made us realize that through the years we have come a long way in actually learning how to fight fair.

We talked through it and wrote down four things that help us to fight fair.
  1. Short accounts: This means we don't let the fight continue on and on. We put an end to it and if we can't do that, then we agree to have different opinions and move on.
  2. Don't bring up past issues - We did this for many years and really just in the past two years have we intentionally stopped doing it. It makes us go around and around and it's harder to keep the short accounts.
  3. We Back Off of each other. For two lion personalities this was a must for us. In the heat of the fight, one of us will just stop it! You certainly can't fight by yourself, it does take two.
  4. A healthy balance in front of the kids! Our four children know we disagree about issues and sometimes it's about them. But they know that dad rules. If mom says it's OK and dad says it's not - Dad wins.

We don't believe that our children should never see us argue. Healthy debating is a good thing. But there has to be a balance. Shortly after a disagreement our kids see us hugging or holding hands or having a normal conversation. They don't see doors slamming or cars squealing out of the drive way.

Someday our children will grow up and have a spouse of their own (we hope and pray) and they need to know what a healthy fight looks like. If they never see us fight they won't know what that looks like and could have a distorted view or think "Christian couples" never fight.

We have committed to our four children that we will never get a divorce - it's not an option and if we ever did, we will not only be breaking a commitment to each other but to each of them and to God. They totally understand that and even remind us of it once in a while and we constantly reassure them.


UAFWIFE said...

Please pray for my husband and I on this subject.. When we fight it turns out sometimes to be so explosive and sometimes I have no idea where the fight even started. My 15 month is always around too and I hate it, But it just feels like when i get so angry and upset feeling screaming feels like the last resort.

Eric and Jennifer Garcia said...

I get what you're saying. It can become like that for us too and has in the past.

The thing that I had to start doing is first biting my tongue not reacting. Then I would pray and ask the Lord to change my attitude and last I would write out my response.

This way I was still getting my frustration out, but on paper not verbally. It was amazing how many times my attitude was better by the time I finished writing out my complaints.